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The Toxicity of Love

 

When we decide to jump into a relationship we have to choose very carefully our partner, thinking that giving your heart to the wrong person can cause you several traumas. Falling in love with someone is not only a feeling, but it is, without hesitation, a choice. You decide to receive and give love every day, based on respect, communication, and commitment. However, there are some people that are not necessarily ready to love yet, they don't have enough maturity or experience in order to be a partner that can meet the basic relationship essentials. That's when the relationship begins to be toxic where one of the persons in the relationship takes advantage of the other leading to complete control, manipulation, and power. 

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What happens in relationships is that at first sight, in the first months, everything seems to be perfect. You see your partner as the “love of your life”, the person you want to share your life with. This has a biological explanation because when people fall in love, their body begins to generate many chemical processes that release different hormones such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin; that's why the feeling of falling in love is so intense and joyful for your body and mind. However, we have to be rational in order to give someone our heart, because the emotional intensity of the moment can lead to negative impacts over a long period of time in your life. 

 

One of the most characteristic features of these types of relationships is that they begin to implement dynamics where a type of inequality is generated between those involved, this is due to intimidation, contempt, and induction of guilt. However, undoubtedly all of these converge into emotional dependence. Emotional dependence, as we may know, is when you need to be close to your partner in order to feel happy and complete, or you feel the necessity of the other one to reassure you how grateful and capable you are in order to feel sufficient. This causes that when someone has toxic traits towards you you aren't capable of noticing then, but you accept them. 

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What causes toxic relationships?

 

It's mainly because both people have completely low self-esteem and multiple deep-seated insecurities. From the side of the manipulative one, it is because he/she needs to feel total control over the relationship and the person, while on the other hand, the one that gets manipulated needs to be loved and have someone close at every time; it's a lack of emotional stability from both parts. 

 

Fights are present at all times in the relationship, although it is something that happens in every relationship, in the toxic ones these fights are severe and extreme, causing psychological and physical damage for both of them. 

 

Taking this into account, some of the most important things we need to take into account at the moment of getting into a relationship, is to know the person, and how does he act when he/she is angry? How does he/she communicate? What are his/her ideologies? These are some questions you can ask before being involved with a person in order to know if they are compatible with your personality or not. Analyze your partner, their attitudes, and their emotions, in order to give you an idea about their perspective towards life. However, it is very important to not think that you can change the person or their attitudes since this will lead you to live a relationship full of illusions and expectations that you will not be able to fulfill. Sometimes it is better to be radically realistic.

 

 

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With all these in mind, the next time you decide to have a partner to spend your life with please be aware of the toxic traits the relationship may have, in order for you to enjoy love. In the case you identify these characteristics in your actual relationship, take action, because normally when we let go of these things over a long period of time it gets worse. Remember, everyone deserves a true, healthy, and beautiful love story. 

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